Self-Determination

 

In a nutshell, self-determination describes an attitude toward learning that empowers children to be the major player in their education. A self-determined student believes that the outcome of their education is in their own hands.

 

At Birchwood, we know the importance of self-determination and we teach this learning habit as part of our curriculum. But the greatest influence in cultivating self-determination comes from home.

Those families that emphasize self-determination find that their children receive the greatest advantages from a Birchwood education.

 

Theories surrounding the principles of self-determination are well grounded by scholars and researchers like Kazimierz Dabrowski, Albert Bandura, and Carol Dweck. Their studies draw upon clinical research and biographies of people who have led productive lives. These studies emphasize the power individuals possess over their personal lives when acknowledging their effort affects outcomes.

 

Children are not born with attitudes of self-determination. They need to be taught and nurtured by parents and teachers. Schultheiss & Brunstein (University of Erlangen, Germany)

write “... parents who emphasize early self-reliance ... and who teach their children to ‘reach

higher’ and set challenging goals for themselves, have children who are characterized by

high levels of achievement motivation.”

 

First, show your children how to set academic goals. These goals should be an intellectual stretch yet not beyond reach. The establishment of goals should then be followed by your direct support, “I’m going to help. We are going to do this together.” It is important for children to understand that mom and dad are walking alongside them in this effort. While the child needs to take personal responsibility for the goal, she must sense your support. That support inspires success and confidence.

 

Second, avoid language that labels your child “smart.” The reason for this is that when children form judgments about their intelligence, for example, “I am good at mathematics. I am not good at

reading” they unwittingly undermine their own efforts toward improvement. Instead, use language that reinforces the idea that effort will determine success. Albert Costa (Institute for Intelligence Behavior) writes “ability is a repertoire of skills and habits that continuously and incrementally expand through one’s efforts.” Carol Dweck (Stanford University) states, “... intellectual ability can be increased through one’s efforts.” Don’t allow your children to say “I’m not good at math, or I’m not good at reading.” These claims just become excuses for giving up. And if by chance your children are very smart, don’t let them hide behind this label. Tell them that being smart means nothing if they do not learn how to work very hard and reach the highest standards of excellence.

 

Third, reinforce the importance of good education. Make it a family value. Don’t forget, even though the environment at Birchwood strongly supports academics, outside of school your children often face a youth culture that does not hold education as a top priority. Under the wrong influences, your son or daughter may start to minimize the value of education and the possibilities it affords in the future. Therefore, your support for the value of education must be relentless. Talk to your children about the doors that good education opens. Use examples, good and bad, from history, the newspapers, and from your own family histories that illustrate the valuable role of education. Help your children embrace the value of education

 

Fourth, make the obtaining of a good education their personal responsibility not dependent upon their emotional or psychological condition. They should understand that it is irrelevant whether they like or do not like any given class or teacher. It does not matter whether they like to study or not. They can learn no matter the environment. I recall with some amusement the response a parent offered to their fourth grade child who did not want to do their reading homework because he did not like reading: “Honey, I don’t care whether you like reading or you don’t like reading. In this family, it is your job to study, work hard, and do well in school.”

 

Fifth, teach your children the language and behaviors associated with achievement. Talk about the meaning of self-discipline, self-control, delayed gratification, and dedication. Point out evidence of these personal characteristics among family and friends.

 

Finally, it is important to know that your child WANTS this kind of help. Researcher Edward Deci (University of Rochester) argues that children are wired for competency and growth. They thrive on success, and parents can help them navigate the pathway to success. It is important to know this research because when you discuss with your children self-determination and achievement, more often than not they will try to resist and ignore your admonitions. They will resist your encouragement with eye-rolling, primordial grunts and groans, whining, and endless pleas: “But Mom no one else has to work this hard. I’m the only one. You are so mean.”

 

At these moments remember, deep inside their hearts they long for a sense of worth and a sturdy self-concept. They aspire to competency.